The Breathing Torah

Some Words of Torah
By: Ariel Vegosen
Sheva Fellow 2007 and BCI Alum 2000

I have always loved the idea of carrying in one pocket a piece of paper that says “the world was created for me” and another that says “I am nothing but dust.” It reminds me that the universe is divine, always moving in mysterious ways that match up perfectly and just when you think life is ironic and makes no sense, it turns out it was all planned.

Some things in the Torah are painful and difficult to understand, like why an all-knowing, merciful loving G-d would send ten plagues to the Egyptians in order to free us from slavery. Wasn’t there another more peaceful way? Couldn’t G-d - this all powerful being - non-violently end slavery? Wouldn’t that have been a better example? Just think, maybe then we wouldn’t have check points and curfews in the holy land.

I also struggle with the Torah concept of “Tumah” and “Taharah,” meaning impurity and purity. I don’t understand why in last weeks Torah portion it is stated that a woman on her period is considered “Tumah,” as in impure. Or why it says a man shall not lay with another man the same why he lies with a woman. Perhaps its not that I don’t understand these words so much as I don’t understand people’s interpretation of these words. And since G-d is all knowing, when writing this book G-d must have thought, people are really going to mess this up and create a world of hatred. As humans we have the power to read these purity laws and create a homophobic, sexist world and right now it seems to me that is what has happened. People are using this passage as part of religion to say that being anything other than straight is wrong. Also, people use this passage to exclude women from certain rituals when she is bleeding.

I have different interpretations for both:

Of course if a man lies with another man, that’s different from when a man lies with a woman. Different is not wrong, different can be beautiful and great. And anyway this portion doesn’t even mention women being with women. So my interpretation is when you are with someone that experience should be unique and beautiful to that moment. Homosexual love is acceptable and beautiful and should be acted on in a different way from straight love. And should be honored for its differences. As in the world should recognize and embrace queer culture and not expect it to look like straight culture.

My interpretation of a woman being Tumah on her period or after child birth is that there are secret special rituals for us women and because often times our stories have been written out of the Torah, we need to dig deeper and discover what these ancient rituals are. Women are not unclean or impure, we are Tumah. Which to me means the world should honor the gift of life and strength given to us and not put fear into our hearts around who we are. There are enough stories out there to convince a woman that periods are gross or disturbing, we need more stories that embrace our blood and our power. I know that an all knowing G-d would not create a world of fear, homophobia, and sexism. What would be the point of that? How would that be good?

The G-d I believe in, left the Torah to us for our interpretation. As it is said, “it is not in heaven” but here on earth we must decide. And for whatever reason people have interpreted this beautiful book in hurtful ways. I choose otherwise and I am encouraging you to do the same. To step out of the box, take a closer look, a closer read, and decide for yourself your own interpretation.

For example, why is it that Aaron’s sons have to pay the price of death for getting too close to G-d? I realize they did not follow the proper ritual laid out, but is death really a fair reaction to such a trespassing? Perhaps another way to look at their death is that it symbolizes transformation. The Torah spends a lot of time going over the sacrifice rituals and describing purity and impurity in people. It is ironic that Aaron’s sons died for doing a ritual to get closer to G-d, when today ritual is lacking in so many people’s lives, yet people long to be closer to G-d. I’d like to imagine that it is a great idea to practice ancient rituals and create new ones in an effort to get closer to G-d, myself, my friends, my family, my community, humankind, and all of nature. The symbolism of their death could be a transformation away from the slaughtering of animals and away from this idea that only certain people, the priests can do rituals. I think with the temple gone, we have the unique ability to create our own rituals with our own meanings.

This world was created, the Torah was written and now we get to create for ourselves how we want it to be. We get to decide our emotions, how we structure society, how our lives play out. We have power, infinite power to create whatever we want and need. Some times I see people getting stuck. They believe they have to work a certain job, stay in a town they don’t love, stick with a partner that doesn’t suit them, the list goes on and on…when really all we have to do is break the chains we have created around ourselves to be free. The only limitations that exist are the ones that we create. I, along with you, have the power to choose. All of our dreams can be destiny. And when you shine your light out into this world and when you believe, the universe responds accordingly, after all it was created for you. And when you forget to be humble and you get too greedy the universe reminds you that you are nothing but dust.

If someone asked me to convert them standing on one foot as was asked of Hillel. I would say you get to choose how you want to live your life. You are in control of your emotions and your destiny. It might appear that society has already been created, but you have the power to change it. Torah is constantly being interpreted to match whatever the reader wants to read. May you find peace, love, happiness, kindness, compassion, and do onto others as they want done to them. May you live your life well and may you decide what well means to you. The world is open to interpretation; choose your path and your blessings. I hope you enjoy.

And if you don’t, that’s your choice.

Much love and many blessings, shinning soul light on this desert world and out into the universe… Ariel Vegosen

We here at Sheva are super excited! For the next four days we will be away from the computer and phone world as we embark on our camping and kayaking adventures. I am sure when we return we will have lots to share.

This weekend I have been reflecting on Sheva, all I have learned and how meaningful this community is to me. On Thursday and Friday Ezra, Lisa, and I spent time writing up all of the amazing projects we have worked on since Jan. and it really has been a lot! From the bike trail to the pond to leading hikes to weeding to never ending watering to becoming a community this truly has been a wonderful learning and growing experience.

I am eager to see what awaits us this week....the week of adventure and new knowledge...

Radiating much love to the earth and everyone..... more to come so hang on tight during this not at all commercial break!

Lisa's Words of Wisdom

We all make mistakes in life. Often, mistakes can be corrected - but there is one mistake that is not easily fixable and can have severe consequences. This mistake is using our words unwisely. These words can take the form of gossip, lashon ha’rah, anger, or what I want to focus on today – criticism.
Right now I am participating in a 5 month fellowship; living, working, eating, and spending time with only two other participants in the program. Obviously, living and working in such closeness has created some conflict. I want to share with you today some inspiring things I have learned from the book Words that Hurt, Words that Heal by Telushkin about how to criticize and how to accept rebuke. I have found Telushkin’s advice to be wise and helpful in my own situation, and I hope that his words will help others on their own journeys.
I want to first point out that although it is difficult to give criticism, it is necessary to express frustration in close relationships. This idea is important because it is included in our 613 mitzvot as, “Reprove your kinsman, but incur no guilt because of him” (Leviticus 19:17). This can be seen as even though one is obligated to criticize someone when they have wronged, it is a sin to criticize them in a mean manner. This also implies that your motives for reproving someone should be genuine. If you want to point out someone’s faults because it will secretly make you feel better, then it is wrong to criticize. In addition, it is wrong to attack something about a person if it is not related to the instance at hand. For example, telling your roommate, “I don’t like the way you leave dirty dishes around – plus you are always so selfish” will probably just leave your roommate feeling hurt and defensive.
A great way to approach someone is to tell him/her that you also struggle with the same or similar faults that you are criticizing. Explaining how you make efforts to change these things may inspire the person you are criticizing, and putting yourself on their level should keep you from appearing arrogant.
On the flip side – listening with an open mind and heart to others’ criticism of yourself is crucial. Many times when people are criticized they immediately want to fight back, and end up saying hurtful words. It is important to control the urge to fight back with criticisms because if what the “person says about you is true, the fact that he himself has numerous flaws is irrelevant” (Words that Hurt, Words that Heal).
Try and ask yourself is there is truth to what the other person is saying. If there is truth in his/her words, then try and see how you can use this information to improve yourself. Take this opportunity to make yourself a better person, because each day we have the power to change ourselves. Remember that every time we speak we get to choose our words – they can be hurtful, or they can be inspiring. My hope is that we can learn to give criticism with love, and accept it with an open heart and the will to change.

Building the Shelf

Our beautiful shelf! (with our names in chalk, hehe!)

Proud

I am proud of us. Today we really came together as a Sheva Community. We started in the morning by finishing up our projects in the little garden. We have been digging a trench and cutting fence to try and keep the animals out. This was a laborious task, but we worked together to finish it today. Ariel collected the rocks, and Ezra and I dug and filled the trench with dirt. Afterwards we planted the rest of the squash along the fence. We also collected rocks and placed them around the tomato bed so that people do not step on them! (They are in the middle of the garden). As we left the garden we started making a list of everything we have worked on in there over the course of the past 4 months. I felt very proud of all the work we have done. When I first moved here, that land was barren. Now it is full of wonderful plants and vegetables. I can’t wait for them to grow!

The thing that made my day today was working together to build a cabinet for BCI art supplies. I felt that I used a lot of new skills I learned while at Sheva. For instance, we used a mallet to break the existing shelves in this cabinet. Then we used a hammer to take out the nails. Afterwards we used a measuring stick to lay out the new shelving, and sawed (very difficult!) the shelf. The three of us really worked together when we were sawing. We could have done separate tasks, but we chose to help each other get the saw perfectly in line to make a great shelf. After a few practice rounds we were ready to cut! Ariel went first, then me, then Ezra. We guided each other and ended up with a beautiful shelf!! I think everyone was surprised at how quickly we accomplished this task. I know now that with a little teamwork, almost anything can be accomplished!

As my time here nears an end, I am starting to get a little sad. We have done so much work here – Everything that I have worked on here I had never done before. I am so proud of myself. And I am so proud of us as a group. Yay Sheva!

The Millionaire Pond

 
Welcome to part 3 of the Pond Saga. Today we spent time making the pond more presentable. We filled it with water (we really only meant to add about a foot of water, oops), added rocks around the outside and we have been adding sand around the outside to make it appear more natural.
Gabe pointed out that our pond is about twice the size of most ponds...except those of millionaires. Its good to be king...I mean, a Sheva Fellow.
There has been a lot of excitement about the pond here for all of us. We have been planning and waiting for a very long time and it is such a pleasure to see it actually becoming realized. In my own way I welcomed the pond into our community today. I know that it is unfinished and there is still much work and play to be done with our pond but the moment came and I couldn't refuse. I kneeled down next to the pond and I slowly lowered my hands into the crystal clear water and felt its delicious coolness run up my fingers past my palms and all the way up to my wrists. I luxuriated for what must have only been moments but seemed like a full minute in its cool embrace and though I don't think I realized it at the time I said a silent and wordless prayer of thanks for that beautiful moment of respite that took me away from myself.
What better kindness could a millionaire, a Jew, or even a Sheva Fellow ask for?

If you LOVE someone set them FREE...

I'll be the first to admit that Cottage 12, my shared house with Lisa and Ezra, is not always clean. In fact sometimes its down right dirty; dishes pilled up, a table covered with papers, Torah learning’s, left out food, and supplies to home brew beer, a floor un-mopped let alone swept, clothes strewn about, water bottles, camel backs, books, DVDs, the beginnings of hand-made baskets, a bow-drill fire set, and of course ants crawling everywhere.

It's not that we want to live this way. It’s that with such a small place and the three of us always busy, it’s hard to find time to clean. So Lisa came up with a plan: the chore wheel. Which as it turns out was also hard for us to follow. To the point where one day Lisa in dramatic affect tore down the chore wheel. And I thought ok, but how are we going to make sure Viga is fed?

Whose Viga you might ask? The inspiration, along with the ants for the title of my yet to be book: "Eating with Ants and Lizards: The Sheva Fellow's Bible To Survival." Yeah, that's right Viga is our beloved pet bearded dragon given to us by Alicia, a former staff member at BBI. Alicia and her husband were moving and they thought what could be a better home for Viga then Cottage 12...actually they heard through the grapevine that we are planning to make a reptile center where participants can come and explore the world of reptiles and where reptile pets can have the best a pet can have...so they figured until the center gets created the Sheva fellows can lovingly take care of Viga...

That said I find the whole notion of pets very difficult. Lisa and Ezra upon Viga's arrival seemed very excited. Lisa did research about bearded dragons and Ezra started hand feeding her. I have to say I did love Viga from the beginning, but I also had this urging desire to set her free. I'll be honest; I don't understand people's desire to have pets. Why on earth would you want to keep an animal in captivity? Animals are meant to roam free and be wild, just like people are meant to be free. I don't want control over anyone nor do I want control over any animal.

I do realize that people love their pets and pets love their people, but there is something really odd about forcing an animal to stay in a cage for its whole life or forcing a dog or cat to stay in doors. Can you imagine if someone stuck you in a room and wouldn't let you leave and that was your whole existence. Sure, this person would come and feed you great food, and give you massages, and play catch with you, and maybe if your lucky they'd take you outside (but you'd have to be on a leash)...I think it would suck! Sure the warmth of a home and easy food might be comforting, but every creature wants to know what's out there. Every creature wants to be able to make their own choices and decisions. I don't want anyone to tell me how to live and I don't want anyone to force me to stay in a certain area or restrict me from going someplace. I want and long for the freedom of movement. It is really important that I know I have the ability and right to exist in this world as a free and wild creature. And that all people, animals, and plants, have that same right: to be what they are without someone controlling them and forcing them to live in a cage.


The world is big. Animals are smart, why should they be cooped up all day. So we can feel comfort from them? So we can feel a sense of control in our lives? So we can feel like someone loves us? So we can feel responsible and like a care giver? So we can have something to talk about when friends come over? So if we are socially awkward we can hide that by focusing on our animal? Is this why we have pets?

Do we some how feel more powerful when we have a pet? Do we subconsciously feel greater? Maybe even consciously. Why is it that we desire to keep animals? No other species keeps another species as a pet. It’s not like you see chimpanzees controlling mice and putting them in cages for their amusement. It’s not like horses adopt cats and play yarn games with them. Let’s face it; all animals can survive without us. Our dogs don't need us, neither do our cats or our lizards or our mice or any other crazy pet we might have. All these animals know how to survive on their own, as do we. Sometimes it might be hard, food might be scarce, it might get cold, another animal might attack them, but they know how to survive. And anyway it’s better to have lived free and experienced then to die in captivity never having known. Just like its better to love and be loved and to get hurt then to never have loved at all. Look, it can get hard for us humans too, sometimes food is scarce, it might get cold, another animal/person might hurt us, but we know how to survive. And anyway it’s better to have lived free and experienced then to die under someone else's control never having known.

I think people worry about their pet’s ability to survive. And I think the reason we worry is because we secretly realize that by domesticating animals we are making them stupider. For example, the dog is really a run down wolf. Would you be worried about a wolf's ability to survive? So why are you worried about your dog’s ability to survive?

As you can imagine everyone told me that releasing Viga into the wild was not a possibility. People told me she'd never survive...people were worried about the weather, her food supply, and that she might get eaten by coyote. And yes it’s true, this is not Australia were most bearded dragons are found, but we do have plenty of sun and crickets. So yes, I secretly and openly had this desire to release Viga into the wild from the moment she arrived at our house. Who knows maybe this desire comes from my mother, who the minute she saw Viga said "Can't you release her into the wild, you live in a desert. She'd be so much happier." And maybe it’s bigger than these words. My mom and dad managed to raise me with unconditional love and also a fierce sense of independence. So I greatly value self reliance, independence, freedom, and ensuring that all those around me are also free, because I believe no one is really free unless we are all free.

Along with valuing freedom, I also value my roommates, responsibility, and group process. So when everyone told me releasing Viga was not acceptable I decided that I would put aside that idea and try to understand what it means to have a pet. And in the process I became closer and closer with Viga. I fed her, cleaned her cage, took her out to play, and became quite found of seeing her all the time. As time went on I came up with the idea of taking her on play dates outside. Together we would explore outside, right near Cottage 12. We'd move around and usually Viga would find a spot she liked to chill for awhile. She loved being outside. And it was always funny to see people walk past and not know that she was our pet. They'd think she lived out here like the other lizards. So then when I'd pick her up people would be stunned. Viga seemed to really enjoy being outside. And of course I always stuck with her to make sure she wouldn't run away.

And then one day, it happened. We went out to play. She had her time in the sun and I picked her up to return her to her cage. As I was walking back into the house, a van came down the road. Viga has never heard or seen a van before, all the noise scared her and bam she jumped out of my arms and took off. I think she also knew it was her chance to avoid being forced back into her small glass cage. I've seen Viga scrap up against her cage and attempt to climb out. I think in this moment she thought now's my chance, the great escape! And escape she did... right under a cactus bush...

And I went after her. I admit if she was my bearded dragon alone I wouldn't spend so much effort and time trying to get her back. But I thought about responsibility to Ezra, Lisa, and Alicia. I thought about how much they feel connected to Viga. I don't feel like I own Viga, I never have. I feel like when she jumped out of my arms she was making her choice. She saw me trying to get her out from under the cacti. I literally went into the bush after her, getting pricked the whole way. And she saw me and felt my body heat and kept on moving up and away from me. She made her choice, she decided. She clearly did not want to come back with me, back into her glass cage. And I did my very best to get her. I suffered through the cacti pricks and then removing them with a tweezer from all parts of my body and staying up all night trying to find her. I took her favorite log from the cage and put food on it. I left it in a strategic place for her. I left for an hour and when I came back both the food and the log were gone. Either Viga took it and has made a new home for herself out here in the cactus garden roaming free or some other animal got it. Either way Viga remains at large, here on this amazing 3,000 acres of desert.

I know she is still alive. I have total faith in her ability to catch food and survive. I know she is smart and I believe she is excited to be free. To live her life how she wants. I think, in the future, I might even see her from time to time, and to be honest if I do I'm going to let her continue to be free. It is ironic, because I wasn't trying to release her into the wild. I have thought about it and if I was going to do it, it would have been in a totally different location and the intention would have been there. She made this choice, not me. I was legitimately bringing her back and in my head I was thinking ok, time to go back into the cage, clearly she was thinking otherwise.

So yes its bitter sweet. I look at her empty cage now and I do miss her. I called Alicia and told her and she understood and said what better environment then BBI. And its true, BBI is the most freeing place I have ever lived. I remember first coming here when I was 20 and finding a community that was open, loving, and accepting. This is a place to learn and grow and explore all aspects of yourself. I feel free here, to be me. To be me in good times and bad times. To experience, to test myself, to step out of my comfort zone, and to shine. This is a place to step out of the box and to free your mind, as Viga has stepped out of her cage.

If you love something set it free and it will come back to you. Maybe Viga will come back one day and maybe she won't. In many ways the lessons I have learned from her, is the symbolism of her coming back. I want to live in a world where people don't think of animals or other people as possessions. I want to live in a world where people are setting each other free because we love each other.

I think the timing of Viga escaping is serendipitous. She chose to leave as Renew Wedding Weekend was beginning. This is a time for people married between 2 to 5 years or people who have been to a newly-wed weekend to come together at BBI to continue to strengthen their connection to each other and Judaism. She also chose to escape as I contemplate my own relationships. I think the strongest relationships are the ones built on trust, the ones where you can look your partner in the eye and tell them you love them and that they are completely free to explore, live, learn, dance, be. And that you would like to journey with them but not suffocate them. I want relationships in which there is mutual nourishment and in which I am always letting the other person know that they are free and I am free. So if my partner wants to take a solo journey without me, I support them in that. If my lover wants to spend time with her friends without me, I support her in that. If my best friend wants to explore a new connection with her lover, I support her in that. If my loved ones want to pursue their dreams, career, art, passion I support them in that. I believe love is expansive and that the more the ones I love share with others the more I grow and then there is even more love. I think love is infinite and there is enough love for all of us in this world. I think if I love someone and they love someone, then that love will keep growing, getting bigger and bigger, like the smallest spark creating the largest fire. As the seeds in my garden are watered with love they grow more and more. Unlike how trees compete for sunlight and water, I believe there is no need to compete for love. There is no need to feel threatened by those your loved one loves. The more you love someone and the more they love others the more you are loved. It’s exponential. It grows and grows and grows....



To me freedom is opening my heart. It is also letting my heart heal from past wounds and fears and realizing that my wounds are the doorway to my gifts. Freedom is moving past fear. Freedom is the ability to express myself. I plan to keep on loving big, loving people, trees, plants, animals, BBI, this earth, and loving tremendously. I think the more I love the more love there is. Its bigger then this. Being free is also having no desire to shape or mold someone other than myself. Today I had this great conversation with one of the founders of Project Triumph. Just when I was getting frustrated, I realized that through expression and open communication there is always hope. I shared the idea that when I am a ropes course facilitator I am not looking for an answer. When I pose questions during dialogue I do not look for a specific response. This is not- what is one plus one; this is hearing people’s expressions and feelings and accepting whatever they choose to share. And I realize for me, this is how I live. It is not just how I run a ropes course or dialogue. I don't want people to tell me things because they think that's what I want to hear. For example in a relationship, I don't want apologies because people think that's what I want, I don't want to hear I love you and miss you because that's what people think I want to hear, I want people to bring their truth and be themselves and I will accept them.

I am pushing past fear to express my true self and I hope others are stepping up to do the same. I want to hear people's voices for what it is they want to say. I hold no expectations. If people want to say I love you, miss you, sorry, and so on because that's what’s in their heart then great, but don't say it just because you think that's what someone else wants. This can be true for all things. Do what’s in your heart, not what others are demanding of you. For example, recently my friend from high school got back in touch with me. She graduated high school with honors and went to a four year university. She is currently a make-up artist and about to move across the country to live with her partner. She told me she was afraid and worried about becoming a make-up artist because she was worried people would judge her. She grew up with her folks telling her to be a teacher and people all around her pushing her in different directions. Instead, she chose to do what is true for her and she is happy. She was also worried about what people would say about her moving across the country to be with partner. Would people judge her, say she is giving up her independence, would they look down on her for leaving her job to make the move. The point is, it doesn't matter. She is doing what is best for her and sometimes people accept you and sometimes people don't. I want to empower people to make their own choices based on their heart and passion as opposed to societal pressures. I want to empower myself to love and accept me and all those around me.

I used to think do onto others as you would want done to you and now I think do onto others as they want done to them. I want people to succeed by their own terms. I am not here to tell anyone what success is. Just like when I lead a ropes course the group defines success, I think people should define for themselves what is success. I like the idea of asking someone how they want to be treated. We all want different things and part of being free is honoring that and figuring out a way for everyone to feel heard, appreciated, and loved. I know this is possible.

As Viga roams free, exploring her new world, my heart opens and I explore my new world, every day I learn something new here from seedlings to watering to listening to driving the truck to horses to hawks to sunsets and moon risings to becoming a stronger community to opening my soul and welcoming in others. This world, this love, this freedom is expansive as is this desert...Viga's new home.


And besides with the chore wheel down, its probably better that she's catching her own food.

SHEVA PHOTO SHOOT 2007

I'm TOO Sexy For This Hat...

Too Sexy For This Camel Back...

Too Sexy For This Runway...Too Sexy For Sheva....NEVA!

Oh What 'Ya Think About That?

Living Torah

Some Words of Torah
By: Ariel Vegosen
Sheva Fellow 2007 and BCI Alum 2000

You might not know it, but we are in the days of friendship. We have already passed through the days of drama into love into awe and now into friendship. This might not be on your Jewish calendar and you might not have known by following the moon, but here in our Sheva world it is clear, we are in the days of friendship.

So what does that mean? It means that here at the Brandeis Bardin Institute we are opening our hearts and welcoming in guests from all across the country. We are also digging deep in the soil, reaching into ourselves and experiencing what life is like in a community connected to nature. And best of all everything we are doing is experiential. So sometimes we understand and do and sometimes we do before we understand. Every day we challenge ourselves to grow stronger in our community connections, our understanding of self, and our oneness with this beautiful desert.

This isn’t always easy. Creating and nurturing friendships and community is like growing a garden. It is not merely enough to water the newly planted trees. I believe we also have to sit with them and watch how they change and love them through the frost, through the bugs and into their blossoming. As we have to love each other through our frustrations and our disagreements into a new opening, like the lotus flower.

I think people have many layers like the agave plant. I truly believe that whatever we see in the other and are disturbed by, a little bit of that is in us too. For example on Purim we are encouraged to get so drunk that we no longer recognize the difference between Haman and Mordechai. Thinking outside of the box, we can look at this as instead of being drunk off of wine and alcohol, we can imagine ourselves drunk off of love. What if we got so drunk off of love that we couldn’t tell the difference between George Bush and Emma’s Revolution? What if we got so drunk off of love that we couldn’t tell the difference between our so called enemy and ourselves? What if we loved what we considered the other, instead of reacting with anger and frustration? What would the world look like then?

What if we believed that there is enough love in this world for all of us. That out beyond ideas of right and wrong there is a field and we can all meet each other there. What if we challenged ourselves to push past jealousy, aggression, rage, disappointment, judgment into a new form of love and light. A love that is expansive.

We can choose how we want to live in this world. The energy felt here at BBI is real and it is expansive. This is not just an isolated place. We can take what we learned from being here and spread our wings and love out onto the world. We have the infinite power to put our beautiful dreams into reality and to manifest this world into a better more peaceful loving place.

I have learned in this week of friendship, that my love is expansive, that my heart is open and that the more that I give the more of me there is.

The best way to express what the week of friendship is all about is through this simple joyous story:

My best friend and holy goddess soul sister Rae and I got engaged (numerous times and we will have numerous weddings because our celebration, our love, our ritual is infinite). I gave her a ring on New Years. She called me up before coming to visit me here at Sheva. She said, “I don’t want you to be upset, but I gave the engagement ring to our friend who is in need of some love and support.” And I thought, what could be better. I want our love to shine out to everyone and to multiple like the stars above and to spread out like the waves of the ocean.

I think we all have the ability to love big and be loved big. That to me is what the week of friendship is all about. It doesn’t mean we won’t face challenges or conflicts or hard times, it means that through it all we are committed to loving. I invite you to join me in this commitment of love:

To love ourselves, our families, our friends, our communities, our neighbors, the strangers around us, those that we call the other. To bring light into the deepest darkness. To come from a place of love and joy and to push ourselves to come from that place even when we are angry. To shine ourselves out there to the world, leaving behind fear and opening our hearts to hope.

So instead of shouting out curses, may our mouths be turned like Billam’s and may we bless those around us and be blessed ourselves. May we see the oneness of Mordechai and Haman, the oneness of ourselves and those we think we can’t get along with, the oneness of the hawk and the crow, the serpent and the human, the plants and the potato bug, the owl and the mouse…

In love, light, happiness, and shinning out joy…Ariel Vegosen.

With inspirational thanks to the 13th Century Sufi poet of love Rumi, rainbow songs, all those that have come out to visit me, the Sheva Fellows, the friends and mentors near and far supporting me, readers like you, and of course the Torah.

Sheva Community Much Love

Recycling, Conflict Resolution, and Being Initiated as a Chumash Nation Care Taker...

Wow! Tuesday and Thursday, my blog days
and both days blew me away...


So let’s start with Tuesday...


Wake up 5am! Yeah you heard me right; I said 5am....alarm...alarm...alarm...Alright Eazy E and Lisa lets go go go, its time to get in the car by 6am to drive to LA. Why on earth are we leaving our house in Simi Valley this early when we need to be in Santa Monica at 9:30am? Because of the glorious traffic that makes me want to vomit when someone says "Hey Ariel, want to come to LA." That's right we got in our car at 6am for a 36 mile drive, knowing that in any other part of the world it would take half an hour (unless of course you live in the part of the world where there are checkpoints and roadblocks) but here its gonna take 3. All this, knowing we will only be in LA for an hour and a half. So, the trip is longer than the destination, but it’s always about the journey not the destination. Besides we got great food and laughs at Swingers diner and I made an enormous amount of catch up phone calls, all in all the start of THE most productive day!

And when it comes to recycling, it’s always about the money and not about our environment.That's what I learned at the recycling center in Santa Monica. We joined You Think (a phenomenal group of inner city LA teenagers), for a tour of the recycling center. Imagine a giant concrete lot filled with old newspapers, bottles, plastic bags, machines, workers, and folks coming in to make money off their old cans. Oh and the city of Santa Monica dumping trucks coming in and out with an enormous amount of recyclables. So every time you put anything into the blue or green bin by your house if you live in SM, this is where it comes to. But don't even think about bringing your Styrofoam here. Not because it’s impossible to recycle, but because no one can make money recycling it. So no ones going to do it. You might have thought recycling is about saving the earth, but it’s actually about getting rich.

So the recycling plant sorts and stacks and ships our used goods to China, Japan, and some cities in America. And these places buy for big bucks our used goods, so they can then take them and remake them. Styrofoam, however, has no market value. So yeah, it can be crushed down and remade, but it’s not worth anyone's time, since no one will make money on it. So instead it will just sit forever in a landfill. Yeah, it takes thousands of years to decompose. It’s crazy to think there was a time when humans did not create any waste. Can you imagine that everything we used was once reused. There was no concept of dumps or recycling centers or leaving things because it doesn't pay to make them into something else. Now we generate an enormous amount of waste and perhaps the only reason we are recycling is cause we can make a buck doing it. What a crazy world! (Yeah, I can be cynical at times, I am sure that there are good folks out there who are reducing, reusing, and recycling just because they love this planet we live on and it so happens that I know and live with and have lived with folks just like that, so it ain't a lost cause).

After the recycling center it was back to BBI where Eazy E and Lisa continued their day with You Think and I met up with 20 teenagers from Haifa, part of an amazing group called Project Triumph. 10 of these teenagers are Jewish Israeli and 5 are Christian Palestinian and 5 are Muslim Palestinian. All of them live in Haifa. All of them are here for 2 weeks to explore living and working together. With great excitement I facilitated their day on the low ropes course or as I like to say Group Challenge. The Project Triumph teenagers are absolutely amazing, compassionate, dedicated, and funny. I facilitated them through many challenges and watched them grow as a team. I also dealt with my own challenges of reporters, camera people, and the coordinators of the program coming in and out and being all around the teenagers while I lead them through activities. At one point a reporter approached a blind-folded ropes course participant to ask her name and age! To me ropes course work is sacred; it’s about giving a group an opportunity to explore dialogue through physical challenges. It is ideally a time where the group is given the unique opportunity to have safe space to confront issues, share feelings, and explore whatever it is they need to explore. The group decides what happens. As a facilitator my role is just to hold the space and ensure emotional and physical safety. I have no desired answers or motives or outcomes. My goal is to let the group create whatever they want and need. I find it difficult to hold my role and create that space, when there are lots of outsiders milling about, watching, and being distracting. So I found the cameras and reporters to be a huge challenge. I also find it hard to deal with reporters approaching these teenagers, because to me they are not fish in a tank to be stared at and poked at, they are people who deserve the opportunity to explore being here and with each other without others observing how they do that. I would imagine that the goal of them being here is to explore coexistence and learning from each other, not to be a spectacle or front page news. I think it is hard to maintain that goal if everyday reporters are in their space asking them for a perfect quote on how they handle the conflict, what they really think, and do they have "American Idol?" It’s like come on people! One reporter asked what would Yassar Araft and Ariel Sharon think of this program? What? Yassar Araft's not even alive anymore and Ariel Sharon is incapacitated. So what does it matter what they think? How about what these amazing teenagers from Haifa think. So I admit, if I was in charge of this program I'd be running things differently. Who knows maybe one day I'll get funding and use it to put together a dynamite program, no reporters allowed. If the participants wanted the news to report on them, we could make that happen Freedom Writers style.

So we closed our ropes course experience out by creating a web of life, to remember that we are all connected. And I very quickly remembered how deeply I am connected to my Sheva family. As soon as I ended with Project Triumph, Gabe came up to me and said we need you at You Think to do some team building exercises! I'm on it!

So I met up with Eazy E and Lisa who were teaching the You Think participants cordage (aka: bracelet making out of raffia, ah yeah!). I joined in and noticed the bus driver sitting watching. I decided to check in with him and see if he wanted to learn also. I realize that these two groups You Think and Project Triumph are our first two groups that are not an all Jewish group. Since we are here at BBI almost all of the groups we work with are Jewish day schools. I appreciate the opportunity to learn about other peoples cultures. So the bus driver is Thomas from South Central LA. He is married to his best friend that he has known since he was 13 and they have four kids together. He is 37. He made the cordage bracelet for his daughter and we ended up having an amazing conversation. He asked me about where I grew up. I said, Long Island, NY. I told him about my suburban neighborhood and he opened up to me and shared about South Central LA. He grew up in an undeclared war. He grew up with gangs all around him and still managed to stay clean from drugs and he refused to participate in violence. Even so, at age 15 violence found him. He was walking home from school with his brothers when they heard gun shots a few blocks from their house. They kept walking and soon a helicopter was over their head shinning a light on them, so they froze. Having nothing to hide, no drugs and no weapons he figured why run from the LA Police. A cop car came zooming at him and his brothers, to avoid getting hit they had to jump over a fence. As soon as the two cops got out of the car they said, "Nigger get down on the ground, hands behind your back" and soon Thomas found himself face down on the ground with a gun pointed at his head, his hands behind his back. I can't imagine. As a white girl growing up in suburbia there were no gangs and the cops would never target me. Here this innocent black 15 year old boy was faced with a gun to his head by the ones who are supposed to protect him, the police. Thomas said in LA there are 3 gangs, the Blacks, the Latinos, and the Police. Hearing him speak made me realize what the You Think teenagers are faced with daily. It reminded me that this country has a long way to go before we truly overcome oppression.

After raffia bracelets all the You Think participants and the Sheva Fellows shared our commitment to the environment. I said that I was committed to changing the use of Styrofoam plates in our dinning hall (an ongoing project that I am working on here at BBI). Thinking about it now, like Gabe always says, the environment is people, so now I realize my commitment is way bigger than Styrofoam plates being taken out of the dinning hall, my commitment is to creating peace in this world. To creating understanding amongst people. My commitment is to doing social justice work, to weeding not just the garden here but weeding out racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism. My commitment is to work on myself, to open my mind even wider, to embrace what is before me and learn from others.

Then it was my turn to lead team building activities, I split the participants up into three teams and had them create skits using objects as something other than what they are. The challenge of the skit was to show what they learned today and the coolest thing they saw. Wow! Soon the participants were up there talking about birch trees, cow poop on fire, and conserving water. After the skits we did a beautiful closing circle and I was so impressed with how dedicated, passionate, calm, and listening the You Think students are! What a great group!

We all ate dinner together and then went to the most AMAZING camp fire yet.So Gabe set up the fire and then looked around at everyone and said, well my lighter won't work for this fire, Ezra how about it, do you think you could help me make fire? And for the first time one of the Sheva Fellows got to show off the bow drill skills. I was so proud and excited. I have seen Gabe so many times with great skill and showmanship and beauty light the fire using the bow drill and now for the first time one of the Sheva Fellows was stepping into that role. I was so in awe and really unbelievably proud of Ezra. Now you have to keep in mind Ezra and I have been through a lot. Sometimes we don't get along, sometimes we have difficulty understanding each other and sometimes I think we could use a ropes course. But in this moment I looked at him like my family and I was so proud of him. I totally believed in him, as I totally believed in him when he helped me through literally being stuck between a rock and a hard place over the weekend. As he started to move the bow back and forth I knelt and thought I fully believe in you, in the spark inside of you, and I fully know from the smallest spark comes the largest fire. From that passion within you will come something amazing. I have heard Ezra say that he is not proud of anything he has worked on. I don't understand that because I have seen him do so many amazing things here at Sheva, including creating this blog. And for all our issues in this moment watching him bow back and forth I realize we are family and I am proud of him and I hope he is proud of himself.

He kept going back and forth talking about how fire changes wood, how commitment changes people, how once you commit to something you can't go back, once the flame is there the wood turns to ash, it can't go back and forth and back and....it didn't work, the spark didn't catch, the tinder didn't light. And he said sometimes you have to try again and ask for help. So Gabe came and reshaped the spindle and reminded Ezra that we are not taking the fire, there is no force involved, we are simply being thankful for the gift that is fire, we are asking for the blessing. I think that's the point of life, that's what nature can teach us. We don't need force, this is not a struggle. If we just let ourselves be open, accepting, embracing what we need will happen. We will receive, we don't have to force it or demand it, we have to acknowledge that it already exists and that we are blessed. And sometimes when it seems hard our community will help us. So Ezra in exhaustion looks up and says if something doesn't work the first time do you stop trying? And all the You Think participants said no, you keep trying and it was more than that, they believed in Ezra, in the fire, in the idea that hidden in this cedar is the spark that we can unlock, hidden in all of us is a spark that we can choose to let out and we can create a fire with our dreams and passion. We can spread our ideas out and create a new way of living, we can change what was given to us. We can also preserve what was given to us. Meaning we can change what society handed down to us and we can preserve what Great Spirit gave to us.

And sometimes you need a little help from your friends. Round two back and forth and back and he looks up and says Ariel will you come over and help me light this fire. Me. Me, of all people. Amazing. To call upon someone you once struggled with to now help you, absolutely beautiful - conflict resolution at its finest. I like Sheva because I am not just asking participants to step out of their comfort zone, I too am getting asked to step out of my comfort zone. I place my hand on one end of the bow and together move back and forth back...and this little spark goes into this ball of tinder and from this little spark comes a fire so large our hearts are filled with joy as we share what the day meant to us. So large that tomorrow when we go to start another fire, we will actually be reigniting this same fire.

As Ezra was moving the ball of fire in his hand slowly winding up, the participants in awe and thanks for the gift of fire, Pam comes by and at this point there are tears in my eyes and I have made eye contact with Lisa. I realize this is my family, my Sheva community. We have come a long way from not getting along, to debates about how to garden, to throwing rocks into trucks, to planting our seedlings, to watering, to learning new skills, to realizing every day is a spark, a beginning and we are a unit now, able to lead groups together, able to light fires together, able to laugh and work and function and help each other as a real community, as a loving community. I realize now the difference: I want everyone to succeed. I want Ezra to light the fire and I don't just want, I believe he has the capability. I believe in him, as I believe in Lisa and Gabe, we are a community and it’s so special to realize this. My level of trust has increased tremendously since I first arrived here and it’s nice to look back and see how far we have come as a group. Its like at the end of a day to see how far You Think has come, to see Project Triumph creating a web of life and to know that we at Sheva are also creating a web, that same web, weaving and moving and making - expanding out.

As we go around the fire I share my joy and love and tell everyone that I feel like they are my extended family. The energy is so high and unique. Gabe performs a special ceremony to initiate us as care takers of the earth. It’s a tremendous honor. No other group I have worked with has received this honor or participated in this ceremony. We all raised our hands palm to palm and spread our love to each other as Gabe welcomed us as care takers. We are committed, we are one.

I am thankful for my experience. We all hug goodbye and Thomas and I exchange contact info. I do hope we keep in touch. As the participants board the bus, Gabe, Ezra, Lisa, and I (North, South, East, West) embrace. I debrief the day with Lisa by the fire. I almost wrote I closed the evening by the fire with Lisa, except I didn't close the evening.

I came back to our house, lovely cottage 12, and prepared some things for San Francisco. What!Could it be that crazy? Actually Rae Rae swung by my house ere midnight and we hung out for a bit, crashed for a bit, woke up early, did Yoga, met new friends, ate french toast for breakfast, and took a mystical magical revealing holy goddess soul sister journey, oh and packed the car with some of my things but not me for her road trip to SF.

And I headed to the garden to plant our seedlings. The days flow together and Tuesday was non-stop productivity straight on into Wed. and now Thursday...and it keeps moving and we keep growing and the water is flowing, nurturing our seedlings, nurturing our souls.

The rain is coming down gently here at BBI and I see a spark slowly coming out emerging from our Sheva souls to ignite a Shevalution. Anything is possible, if you believe and I believe.

The Pond - part 2!

Yes, that is correct, part two. Part one started a long time ago with other people, but part two. Ah, yes; yesterday evening we put in the pond liner. The pond liner wieghs about 200 lbs and until it is unrolled(thank God for that), is not particularly unwieldy. Here you can see the four of us (I am taking the picture) midway through the laying down process. The second picture is with the liner laid out.
However, before we could lay out the liner, we had to remove all the weeds that might have punctured the liner as well as all the big rocks and pieces of soil that would have kept it from laying flat. The next step is going to consist of forming the liner to the hole in the ground and then covering it with rocks and gravel.
Now you might be wondering how we are going to form this perfectly flat sheet to a rounded impression in the ground. Very simply by laying out. You read me, we are just going to lay down for awhile and let our body heat and weight strech the liner until it is perfect! But you are just going to have to wait until part three of the Pond Saga to find out more...

Ah yes, here at Sheva, the getting diesel program is really paying off! Check out Ariel "The Challenger" after climbing to the top of the big red drum (aka: the old water tower).

I love Sheva!

Hi Everyone,

My name is Ariel "The Challenger" Vegosen and I am a proud Sheva Fellow. We have been up to lots of great stuff from watering our seedlings to creating a bike trail to hiking in new places to learning to be a community. So far its been an amazing adventure with lots more to come. Check my posts every Tues and Thurs. ahhhh yeah!

Much love....

Hi, I'm Lisa

I just wanted to introduce myself as a new blogger for the Sheva site. I am a Sheva participant along with my two lovely fellows...Eazy E and The Challenger.

I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences here with you for the next few weeks! Adios!

Sweat Time

After all our hard work building and preparing the sweat lodge, it was time to light the fire . We didn't know it at the time, but only 3 hours later would be the hottest and best sweat lodge any of the Fellows had ever experienced. I wish I could even begin to share with you the events of that night. But, well, I won't. Maybe next time ;)

Time to Sweat. But first...

If you build it...you can sweat. This was our second attempt at the sweat lodge. The first time didn't work so well, so this time we decided to start from scratch. One custom 12-person sweat lodge coming right up! The first step was building and securing the frame. The second step was covering it with 4 tarps and even more blankets. Why? So that we could be extra sure that it would be dark enough and well insulated from the cold outside. We then secured the tarps with huge rocks so that there would be no room for heat to escape or cold to seep in.

The first seedlings

Last Sunday on Family Weekend we got to do our first plantings. Thanks to all the great families who helped out. We covered them up after planting and watering them so that the birds and small animals wouldn't eat the seeds before they sprouted. Dear Family Weekend Families...These onion-potato-and-sunflower-buds are for you!! In fact the occasion was so very special that I wrote my divar torah about it. Check it out...



“Each little seed, carefully placed…

This week at BBI we just begun the transition from the preparing of the soil to the planting for the spring harvest (I think we all remember the delicious summer corn). For anybody who has tried to work in the garden here, it is clear that this is not nearly as easy as it might sound. It is a necessary task that has involved hundreds of pick-and-shovel-wielding hours breaking up clay-baked soil square-foot by square-foot. On the plus side it isn’t nearly as bad as it could be because all of us get to participate in an hourly miracle. For every square-foot of soil that we turn, we reveal nearly twice the volume in rocks. Each rock is then lovingly cast in what seems to be an ever-growing mountain that I worry somebody might mistake for our attempt at a Tower of Babel.
For all this hard work we have just begun to see the first glimmer of reward, “and this was good.” We have begun the “the third day,” the planting. Each little seed, carefully placed in the ground and lovingly watered, each seed with the hope and potential of a beautifully perfect plant.
It turns out that this week is also the week of transition from Exodus to Leviticus, the first book to the second. Exodus, what could be seen as the preparing of the Jewish soil (soul, I meant soul) for Revelation-the creation of the world, the genesis of man, the patriarchs, 400 years in Egypt, etc. And Leviticus, a book primarily concerned with the Planting (Purity, I mean Purity) of the Jewish people through animal sacrifice and ritual.
What? Planting and Purity? Animal sacrifice? Stick with me. Leviticus contains nearly half of the 613 mitzvot and the burden of the statement “You shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy.” Leviticus provides almost 307 instructions on how to raise ourselves up to be like God. Biblical Jews needed a way to come close to God, and animal sacrifice was a way they could understand…in Hebrew the root of the word for ‘offering’ means ‘to come close,’ and for them-as for us-the giving of a gift help us feel closer to the receiver. For us, being good Jews (however we define it) might not always be so simple or so clear. Unlike us, EVERY seed knows exactly how to spread its roots and stem, so that it can grow to be as strong as it possibly can. A seed doesn’t need to be taught. People, however, have free will which creates a world of confusion about what is best for our growth. The conditions of our planting influence our choices, but in the end it is our decision how to act.
For me, I wonder if this was how God felt at the end of the Genesis, this feeling of exhaustion and hope and meaning. I wonder if this is what God meant when he said with booming voice “You shall be holy, for I…am holy.” That this is what it is like to be God.
This week I am celebrating the joy of the first planting. And from what I can see “it is very good.”

…each seed with the hope and potential of a beautifully perfect plant”

Ezra Flom
Sheva Fellow - BBI

Just an easy walk

We went for an easy walk last week. It was a quick jaunt to the top of the mountain in beautiful rainy weather. We were all very cold so we decided to try and start a fire.

After a number of experiments with different types of firestarting materials we did meet success. Unfortunately we couldn't stay and enjoy it because it was time to head back down.

The BIGGEST EARTH DRUM

It seems that BBI has the largest Earth Drum in at least all the Jewish Camps in the United States. Take a look...



Not bad, eh?

'Sweeping' the Bike Trail

Last Friday we worked on the Bike Trail. Our current mission was to rake the trail of leaves and other debris that could cause the little'uns to hurt themselves. Take a look at the before and after of a small portion of the trail...

Blogging Live

Have you ever wondered what world renowned bloggers do when they get together in real time at 3am? Me neither, but I found out and it was beautiful. Have the tiniest taste...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pc9y5ayeeb4

Oh great bloggers! until the next time I laugh-so-hard-I-break-a-rib...

Jewlicious 3.0

Ariel and I went to Jewlicious this weekend where we partied like it was 1969 except that we had all the modern conveniences of 2007. It was very nice. We represented BBI hardcore and they even created a new BBI Party Game!!
Jewlicious is billed as 60 HOURS OF FUN, FOOD, & JEWS LIKE NO OTHER WEEKEND IN JEWISH HISTORY. And, it delivers. Students, speakers, and bands from as far as Israel and South Africa, not bad for a GATHERING-FESTIVAL-CONFRENCE in its 3rd year.
Not only did we enjoy a few highlights like learning to blog from some of the great Jewish Bloggers like OY-BAY, JEWLICIOUS, and JEWSCHOOL; learning about Jewish Intimacy from the creator of CAN'T TOUCH THIS, and the wife of chasidic raegae sensation Matisiyaho; kosher wine tasting with 2 incredible brewers(who's own brew is beyond excellent); and watching reality twist around us with Rabbi Leibish until 4 in the morning. But also just connecting and reconnecting with 600 Jews from around the country and around the world. Oh Jewlicious, I count the days until you return!!

Cartoon

so Ariel created this cartoon of the Sheva Fellows at lunch today

SHEVA Rocks my world

SHEVA is going national....you know what? Thats not big enough...we are going INTERnational!! Welcome world wide web to OUR World, the SHEVA World. Let's party